Salt in the Wound
Salt in the Wound was a quest released to calm the ranting questers who were complaining that they haven't had a decent quest in months (Deadliest Catch doesn't count.) This quest did not really help that situation. All it did was add salt to the wound (only, unlike in Real Life, it's not going to make the wound heal faster...) (I think I'll take over writing this thank you, you haven't even done the quest yet after all - Lord Aizen) Wait... What? Who the fuck are you?! Is my edit being hijacked by an npc?! Yes, yes it is, now go on... Quest Details Description - Jagex was originally planning to make this quest in 7 years time (that's what they told me last year too, I guess time works differently at Jagex HQ,) but then they realized that they needed something to shut the ranting questers up so they threw something together in 15 minutes. As we all know, Jagex fails at rushing (that's why they admire pkers so much,) so I, the great Aizen had to go out of my way and clear up all the discontinuities they were going to put in. (Unfortunately, I couldn't get them all, sorry.) Released - 5 July 2011 Start - Speak to the almighty Aizen at the Daemonheim Peninsula Difficulty - Extremely difficult for me to finish. Oh you meant the difficulty for questers like you. Sorry, it's an Experienced quest. But that's ok, most recent Master and Grandmaster quests are shit anyway Length - Not too long, I'm a nonexistent npc not a bestselling author. Would you prefer a quest written by Tolstoy? Members - Isn't it obvious? Requirements Skills: *60 Defence *50 Constitution *47 Herblore (to make a seemingly useful potion which we don't actually use.) *45 Summoning (This requirement is filler, all you do with it was dismiss a familiar in Daemonheim.) *35 Dungeoneering (Jagex wanted to make dungeoneering seem more like a skill by involving it in this quest. It's really pretty sad.) Items Required: None Stuff to Kill: Your hopes and expectations that this was going to be a good conclusion for the Sea Slug quest series. Recommended: Good armour, a good weapon, some food because you will take damage. An understanding of what a woman is so that this quest isn't prolonged by you just sitting there staring at you-know-who... (No not Lord Voldemort, you bloody wanker!) Walkthrough So, in Jagex's version, there were more plot holes than a Spongebob Squarepants farming patch, for instance, they didn't even explain why the villagers were mining rubium in Kennith's Concerns (Note: that quest normally wouldn't concern me.) So hopefully, here's an explanation which at least the Jagex Apologists will find moderately believable (Then again, they don't even do quests, except for The Blood Pact which they deem to be the best quest ever.) Mod Trick, known in this quest as Ezekial Lovecraft (He's also known as Cheap Trick,) needed to play an important role in the finale so I had him use the rubium to make f-bombs (you'll see them a bit throughout this guide,) so that we could break into Daemonheim. Yes, I know breaking into Daemonheim makes no sense, but I'm Aizen, I can do whatever I fucking feel like. Oh, and we need titties in the quest too, the kids love to stare at pixels. So after Mod Trick throws his f-bombs at the daemonheim wall, we see "players" escape from the dungeon floor. (They're not really players, they're illusions.) We then go in and find the seeker of truth (this will be for use in a future quest where you try to stop me, that's what I've decided.) What? The seeker's already dead? Oh right, I killed it beforehand. I don't want there to be too much combat in this quest after all. I then teleport us all to the Fishing Platform using my leet hax skills and tell you the important ingredients for making a potion we don't actually use. Once you get the other ingredients (lure a slug over to me and I'll hax it. The blood of a willing thrall comes out of Bailey's nose when Eva shows him her... legs.) You make the potion and it's time to get into Mother Mallum's base. Convince the guards that you want to become one of them (Ha! Like Mother Mallum could do anything, you're already under my spell!) You have to sneak in by knocking out npcs and pulling levers. Oh and I do apologize for the npc selection system being full of crap. Apparently you have to select an npc twice if you want to move your character. On your way, you'll have to kill some knights, a good knowledge of the combat triangle would be helpful. (We can see that Jagex is still biased towards melee. Ms. Fanservice is given more life points than both Mod Trick and myself after all. But then again, to be the meleer, we had to put her through training an extra combat skill, so that would give her lots of Hitpoints exp.) So we finally get to Mother Mallum and it's time for an epic boss fight! Just kidding. Ok so Mother Mallum possesses you (as if you weren't already possessed by me lol,) so Mod Trick and I have to stand in certain places for some reason and somehow both throw the truth potion at Mother Mallum. Yes, I know that makes no fucking sense. How can we even both throw the potion at the same time when there was only one vial? Answer: We don't, I keep the potion for future use remember? It's time to kill the queen of the slugs! No not Mod Mark! The other one. How do we kill her? Combat? No... Epic Skilling? No... Conveniently Placed Pillar? FUCK YEAH!!!! So anyway, once you finally regain control of your character (haha, yeah right!) Talk to Lucy, blah blah blah, wasted her life being possessed by a slug, blah blah blah. Where's my fucking reward?! So the quest concludes, I tell you I'm going to the Wizard Tower... Only I'm not. Oh, you want to know what happened to the Kennith npc? When I possessed his body back in Kennith's Concerns, I had to kill his original spirit. Sorry about that. Oh and Mod Trick straps f-bombs to the titties so that Ariane never finds out that MMH was cheating on her. Axers8: OH MY GOD! You killed Kennith! You bastard!! Rewards Some bullshit Jagex threw together for you. Oh how thoughtful of them, I rewrite the entire quest for them and they can't be assed to give it a proper reward? 100 extra ammo for Dungeoneering?! How useless, players rarely run out of their bound ammo and you know that. Fuck you Jagex. *2 Quest Points (You should be getting Life Points or Life Experience instead.) *You can now bind 100 extra ammo in Dungeoneering! *Acolyte armour!!!!!! Haha just kidding *45000 Defence exp *17500 Hitpoints exp *15000 Herblore exp *12500 Summoning exp *5000 Dungeoneering exp *Between 0-9999 Runefapping exp *Dissapointment in the direction that the game is going in *A migraine from Aizen giving you an elaborate mindscrew instead of a well-written quest *Also Waffles Trivia *Aizen was originally supposed to make his first appearance in Prunescape during the Ritual of the Jagexmad quest, it is unclear whether he still plans to do so. *When asked where he got his powers from, Aizen tells you to imagine a box with its 4th wall missing. This is because Aizen is originally from Bleach and to get into Prunescape, he had to break the fourth wall. *In The Hunt for Red Raktuber, one of the penguins operating the submarine is possessed by a sea slug... Well that would have been the case if Jagex thought things through and were good at planning things. It is possible to do this quest before doing The Hunt for Red Raktuber, thus causing a lot of "What the Fuck?!" among questers. *Naturally most players don't care about the plot holes and whatnot in this quest, but it's still funny to laugh at Jagexian incompetence. Category:Quests Category:Experienced Quests